Firme Style: More Reflection's of the Past.

I didn't learn about the mechanics of art making in college or any other formal training for that matter. I learned the hard way, on my own experimenting and making mistakes. Discovering which mistakes were the right ones to keep. Trial and error. I always rebelled against school even in elementary. Although, in third grade I once received an award for best penmanship. I believe that incident was the dawning of a life long era of artistry for me. Just knowing that I had good penmanship would one day give me the confidence and courage to pick up a pencil and believe in myself far beyond the stick figure. It's such a common thing to hear people say they can't draw a lick, only stick figures. The incredible part about that is I too was once a stick figure only person. I think what brought me out of that thought and into this new realm I currently reside in was thinking outside the box. It wasn't until then did I actually believe I could produce anything other than the stick figure.

My thing when I was a teenager was writing in big cursive lettering. Adrianne Loves So and So. For example:

In terms of being a self-taught artist, practicing writing in fancy firme style I like to call it was like putting myself through self-taught art pre-school. When I got into Kindergarten and 1st grade I had moved on to drawing stuff out of the tattoo magazine like a 40's style girl, skulls and ice cream cones. Discovering paints and brushes kinda sent me into my own home schooling which didn't come with instructions and unfortunately didn't come very naturally. Over the years got better and better at it and here I am. I went back and forth from painting to drawing to graphic art (my first love) then to dj mixing (my 2nd love) back to painting which led me to my first art show in 2010. I spent most of all 2011 drawing using markers on bristol paper, creating pieces like "Help Me Help You" which was featured in May's issue of Catapult Magazine here. In 2012 I decided to come back to the canvas. I think using photoshop helped me in a subconscious way when I finally did return to the canvas. This year in 2013 I've decided to take a painting course at The Palos Verdes Art Center for obvious reasons. I need it. I love it. I'm really shocked at how much I've developed on my own taking risks but most of all believing in myself. I can only imagine the possibility of it stemming from getting that award in third grade. Or maybe it was the way I did my makeup firme style everyday as a teenager, eye-lining the cat eye look required me to have a steady hand and lots of patience, but boy was I determined! Perhaps it was the fashion phenomena my sister introduced me to or the fashion sketches I discovered at the age of 24 which made me stop and think to myself, "Hey I can do this, this can be done". Last but certainly not least I might of kicked off my artistry because of the big box of watercolors, brushes and various other art supplies I happened to stumble upon one morning, hey no one was around to claim it so it was mine for the taking. The thing is after that incident took place doing artwork wasn't something I ever doubted or questioned. I knew it was what the universe wanted me to do in life. Like the universe had figured it out for me and all I had to do was pick up what it was trying to throw down. I feel I put myself in a position that lined me up with this reality. Prior to all of this I was an accountant's assistant. I remember feeling that uneasy feeling at my desk and in traffic and it would crawl up my spine like a vine would crawl up a wall. The most compelling feeling I had and I couldn't figure it out but I knew that what I was doing with my time was wrong. Sure my parents were happy with me and sure I had a little money in my pocket but I always felt wrong about the work I was doing. Accounting can sometimes be a lonely, isolated and boring way to spends one's life. I mean when I think back to my childhood and what it was I was good at in life or I always hear the term "use what you know", so with that said what I was good at certainly wasn't math. I failed math. Plus crunching numbers was starting to make me feel like Here's Johnny in the movie The Shining. I can honestly say the best part of junior high was when a kid came up to me and asked me, "Hey, I heard you got bad ass handwriting, can you write my name firme style?"

The moral of my story is this. It's not my intention to influence anyone to quit their day job and start finding your inner peace or anything like that. I discovered I was an artist during a very difficult time in my life and I probably didn't go about things the right way at that time. It's just the way it happened. My message is simple. Go beyond the stick figure. Think outside the box. Spend your free time wisely if it's what you feel you must do to replace a feeling you have inside. As if God's trying to knock on your door and tell you something. First off, listen to that knocking that is happening in your life. In order to do this one must stop all of the mind chatter and stop all busy activity and then you will hear this. I guarantee if you open the door he's been knocking on you might just learn something about yourself that you never knew existed. That might change your life forever is all I'm saying. Stop listening to others who only care about themselves which doesn't help you in the least. Replace your own will with God's will and see how the results if anything won't hurt you instead could change things forever. Hell, heaven or earth? Where are you? You decide.

What I've learned in School

I was able to learn a lot my first day being a self-taught artist. I had the feeling that I would connect the dots so to speak and all of this stuff would just click like it had to. One of the things I learned was this http://www.art-is-fun.com/grid-method.html.

My First Day of School in 15 years!

So I did it, I started my first art painting class today at The Palos Verdes Art Center in Rolling Hills Estates. I have to say I learned quite a bit in just one day. The great news is the fact that I actually did it without being stubborn for my own bad. This is good!!!! I will be keeping you posted about future class sessions in detail. I am very sick at this moment.

Reflection.

Let me reflect back on my life 15 years back. I’m 33 so that would put me just getting out of high school which i never finished. I lied on my resume though and was able to land some decent jobs like in-house accountant, account coordinator and collections specialist. At the age of 23 I was done with that kind of work because it made me feel like i was a robot and driving in traffic was so repetitive and lame. I would look around me at everyone else doing the same thing I was doing everyday and felt like screaming and almost in a panic in what i envisioned my life to be like 10 years from that point. Which would probably be the same thing, same traffic, same lunch, same co-workers, same work on my desk, probably a different boss but you get my point. It made me quit that job in 2003 and I never went back to that kind of office work. It made me feel crazy. I needed something more meaningful to take its place because at that age I felt like I had a calling, like there was something I was supposed to do in this life  but forgot what it was. When I had all of that time off after not getting another job ever even up until now so I had time to think about this thing I was supposed to do. I lived like I was on vacation and thought about all of these new things i had read about on the internet pertaining to one’s spiritual growth. It struck a nerve. I wanted to seriously to into the field of Theology and Metaphysical healing and practices. It seemed like that field was what I was meant to do. Now I’m 25 and my dad lost hope that I would ever amount to anything at this juncture and so presenting the idea of going to a theologian’s school was kind of out of the question. I began to doodle being completely bored at home. My doodles started to develop its own style and a couple people told me I might have something there along the lines of being an artist. I didn’t mind the sound of being an artist, it sort of clicked with me and my personality real well. I continued to practice drawing and eventually got my hands on some watercolors which i would experiment with. Eventually I obtained a canvas and the rest is history right? Well not exactly. I spent the next few years exploring the realm of dj mixing, music being my second love to art. That turned out to be alright, not spectacular just alright. I didn’t make it in that field. Very competitive and my skill level just didn’t live up to par to what a real dj sounds like. So I got back into painting and drawing and I’ve always done work on photoshop as a graphic designer so this is what I focused on. I’m at the age of 30 now and I decide to enter my work into an art show. I do that. It’s great and I want to do more work and enter into more shows now. I do that. Now it’s today and I’m 33 and i’ve been to like a dozen art shows and have created more work for the world to enjoy. I just enrolled in an art class the other day and will start tuesday which im excited about because at the moment my artwork is really at a stand still and I don’t see myself selling any of my paintings because besides the couple i sold to my dad and the one to my brothers friend, i haven’t sold any and this makes me wonder if im really that good of an artist. I know I am and I do believe in myself but Im not connecting with an audience. Also I feel like I need to have my own style which I do believe I've obtained in sort of a way but I don't have that signature style yet. I don't have a brand of style yet. These things I need to produce in a consistent way so that I can become established and eventually start selling my paintings. Any advice?

The 8 foot by 3 foot canvas.

It seems I always go back to work on this canvas when I've run out of canvas' to work on. This is a special canvas I've been working on little by little for the past year it seems. It's special because it's so big of course and it's been with me throughout these last two years. I want to finish it soon. I worked on it a bit last night then sat back and started writing down all of the words and phrases that I thought of when I looked at it. Here are those words and phrases: FACE, FACES, WOMAN, WOMEN, BUDDHA, HEADS, THREE FACES, MOTHER, FATHER, DAUGHTER, CHILD, GOD, LOTUS FLOWER, HEALER, HEALING, OCEAN, HEART, PROTECT MY HEART, BIG HAIR, TRAPPED, CHOKED, CHAINED, TORNADO, LETTER, TORN, EYE, EYE WATCHING OVER, BUDDHA INSIDE THE BOX, GIRL OUTSIDE THE BOX, GIRLS OUTSIDE THE BOX, LITTLE GIRL, NO BODY FOR THE WOMAN, BODY LESS, JUST VAST OCEAN, EMOTIONAL, DEEP, WAVY, WAVY HAIR, HOPES, DREAMS, MAGIC, STEPPING STONES, BLUE FACE, BLUE IN THE FACE, VIBRANT, LOTUS, SPIRIT, WATER, EARTH, FIRE, HILL, EMPTY SPACE.

Meaningful pieces of artwork.

Lately I've been doing pieces of artwork that mean a lot to me. I did a piece for my brother, my sister, I gave one to my dad and his wife, I even did one in memory of my cat R.I.P. Beena 2008, that's what I feel like doing lately. I brings me joy and happiness to do a meaningful painting rather than do one that I know will sell. Don't get me wrong, I am running a business but I've been in a sentimental mood for a minute now. I just have to get that out my system I guess.

Digital Art

The original drawings I've done, some have become new digital art pieces thanks to photoshop.

The concept of having skill remains the same though. Having a skill in drawing is one thing, and having one in photoshop is quite vastly another. I have been brushing up on photoshop and this is what I came up with.